Two Pink Lines

A lot of people ask me why I decided to have two children so close in age, actually that's a lie, a lot of people say "wow, you're keen, you must have been busy, so close in age, they must keep your hands full?" I feel like saying "are you asking me why, do you want to know why I had two kids so close together, I'm happy to answer?" Well, there was a number of reasons but the one that really was the deciding factor was that I was dying to add another little life to our family. You just know when you are ready, you really do. My son was a dream baby overall, he had his moments and I had mine but by the time I was full swing back into work, things were just cruising along really nicely so we thought, yeah lets fuck this up and make it hell crazy busy with another baby. No, thats a joke, nothing was fucked up at all, in fact I was beyond excited perhaps even more than last time because I knew a little more than I did before and was more prepared for being pregnant, labour and a new baby. Life at home was wonderful, my son was sleeping well, no issues there, we had feeding troubles with him and he was sick a lot with day care germs but I knew those troublesome periods wouldn't last forever. Our home life was great, our marriage strong and we had a good balance of work and family stuff down pat so we felt it was time, kinda of like lets do this now before something comes up and makes it perhaps not so timely or even impossible to have another baby.


I found out I was pregnant with baby number 2 just before Easter, in fact I found out 2 days before I was due to get on a plane for the first time with a 9 month old and fly to Townsville for a family holiday. Special mention goes to the flight time of 6am- 6am people, yep 6am! What idiot books a 6am flight with a baby, oh yeah, me! I did a pregnancy test right on the cusp on when you should do one but I knew in me bones that I was pregnant, I just needed confirmation. I actually went and bought one on my lunch break at work as I just couldn't wait any longer. Those 4 hours between starting work and lunch time, walking up the road and trying to make sure I bought the test without anyone that I worked with seeing me felt like I was treading through quick sand. Time was standing still and of course, as does occur each day at our work, the questions about where you're eating lunch, who's walking up the road, who needs something from Woolies fly freely and meanwhile I'm thinking god-dammit I just need to escape, run up the road as if invisible and not have anyone come with me, how can I do that and not look like I am up to something or being insanely rude. I had walked up the road with someone from work for the last 6 years and today I needed the last 6 years worth of history to piss off.

As fate would have it I end up walking up with one of my oldest girlfriends and work colleagues. After 10 years of friendship she can smell a "situation" in my life a mile away. She goes to Subway, I sneak into Woolies. I am pretty sure I am safe but my radar for work friends is on and it's set to high alert. I grabbed a few other things so I could hide the test under them when I put them on the conveyer belt- what's the name of that thing anyway? Supermart counter register conveyor sliding thing? Yeah that's it. I escape Woolies safely and go do the test. It comes up positive straight away, I needed to call my husband immediately. I end up finding a quiet corner facing the wall near the Westfield's centre management and you'd be forgiven for thinking I was up to no good whispering into the phone looking dodgy as hell but I am one of those people that has a penchant for talking about someone just as they so happen to walk right up behind me as I say "oh god she has been such a bitch today hey?" so I thought if I was about to starting talking babies I needed to make sure no one was going to hear that might tell someone else that would tell someone else that I know and that I work with.


The following day I had a rostered day off work and just to be sure I did 3 more tests and just to be super super sure I did them all in the same day. All positive! And just to be a freak because I am totally a sucker for punishment I went to the GP to do yet another test. The only problem this time was my regular GP was away on holidays so I had to see the only other private doctor available that day. Ok, so this GP, he's a great old guy but he'd be about 75 in the shade and not so sharp anymore. He's all there, don't get me wrong, he's a very intelligent clever man as most doctors are but he wasn't firing on all cylinders this day. The story goes a little like this. We sit down, me this 29 year old young gun and he this ageing Australian born Chinese man and we starting talking periods and dates. He's just not getting me, we aren't agreeing on dates and it's all just turning to shit. So I ask if we can just do a test and he tells me no, it's way too early despite the fact my period is about 4 days late and I'm like clock work baby, get out your watches.


Utterly deflated despite the 4 tests I had already done, I tell him that I am about to go on a flight to Townsville, I'd really like him to do a test to shut me up and I'd be really appreciative if he'd oblige. He goes and gets the test, I come back with the sample and he attempts to take out the pipette from its sterile wrapper to put a little bit of wee onto the square test spot, he spills it. Farrk me dead, I'm dying here. He wipes it down with gloved hands and a cloth. Meanwhile I'm thinking really, perhaps you should get another test, might you not have inadvertedly upset the delicate harmony and integrity of that test by manhandling it in such a way? He tried again taking one tiny little speck of wee that one might have only been able to see under a microscope and putting it on the test, he shakes it and yet again I'm sitting there thinking, don't do that, stop that, you're flicking specs of wee everywhere and I'm pretty sure it's not a juice bottle with all the pulp at the bottom, just set the friggen thing down on the bench and leave it. NEGATIVE! Get stuffed! I was totally gutted.


By this time I am in Townsville and I'm pissed. I'm positive I'm pregnant, it's now 7 days since I should have had a period, I am a million miles away from my regular GP and I just want a definitive answer that comes from a professional and not out of a box. So, I buy more tests, I know I make no sense do I! This time I buy a digital test, another one of the usual pee on a stick and wait for the pink lines test and one of the basic litmus style tests just for shits and giggles. By now darling husband is a bit like "honey don't you think you've spent enough money on tests?" I probably had, 7 tests x about $10, yep, I think that was enough. ALL POSITIVE. I lay the tests to rest and am certain that I am pregnant, I get all the signs and 7 tests can't be wrong so I enjoy the rest of the holiday. UNTIL MY SON GETS HAND FOOT AND MOUTH DISEASE. Can you hear me saying that in your head with a slightly higher pitch than normal, slightly slower than one might normally speak, kind of like the way a person talks just before they chuck a whitey and pass out? Poor baby was about as sick as I think I've ever seen a person, flaming temperature, covered in gross little spots head to toe, literally, hand foot and mouth spots really do appear on the soles of feet and palms of hands disgusting little disease that it is. So we go in the hunt for a doctor in Townsville on a public holiday. He gets worse and so we yet again venture off to find another doctor, one a little more thorough and again the whole pregnancy test thing comes up, I can't waste this opportunity.


Sitting in the waiting room I ask my husband whether I should get this GP to do a test for me. I run up to the receptionist and ask if I can just squeeze in with my son, my issue won't take long. We get called in and are seen by this gorgeous Indian doctor. She's beautiful, so heartfelt, so caring, so well spoken and I take the opportunity to ask if she'd just do a test for me one last time. I explain the previous situation of the test being shaken like a juice bottle, she seems somewhat confused by this and happily obliges. There was no shaking juice bottles on this occasion. Everything is well above board. While we wait for the result we chat about our occupations, holidays, Greek Easter, stuff like that but it's all just background noise to me, a bit like when you talk at someone and not to them and they shut off and their brain stops working. Despite all those tests that I had done I was still somewhat troubled by the one the other doctor did and his words "you're definitely not pregnant" kept echoing in my mind. I couldn't let it rest until we'd done one properly.


I still remember her looking at me and the sound of her voice to this day and when she say's those words "you're definitely pregnant" my smile is from ear to ear, I can literally feel my lips and mouth touching the sides of my face. I'll never forget those words. I was beaming. All I wanted was a professional to tell me what I had known all along, coming from a background in science I needed the hard facts. She then proceeds to tell me that the store bought tests work on the same technology as the ones that the doctors use and are just as accurate. Lesson learnt.


I took my sick bubba home to Sydney and spent a little time processing the news. I took some time just to be, to get my boy back to being better, to unpack from our holiday which in itself required a holiday from unpacking from the holiday and decided that I should go and consult with my regular GP, call the hospital, book in and get started back on the pregnant train again.


I love being pregnant and can I tell you why. You can eat everything that you want, anyone that says you can't is a liar and should leave your breathing space immediately, unless of course you have a medical condition that requires you to be on a diet or not gain a revolting amount of weight like I did, then of course, follow the rules and don't listen to me, you can sleep as long as you want, you have an excuse for absolutely everything, you get special attention, you get to wear elasticated pants and it be totally acceptable fashion, you basically get away with anything that your heart desires and it's wonderful. I was blessed not to have any major health issues while being pregnant and let me tell you there's a shit load that can go wrong. I was sick most of the time with colds and coughs but nothing major. I had also decided to again not find out the sex of the baby and keep it a suprise. As many of you know if all is going well with your pregnancy you get basically one opportunity to find out the sex of the baby, once that opportunity is gone it's not that easy to get another. Not unless you get gastro are admitted to hospital stuck on IV fluids and a whole range of other drugs and an ultrasound is performed to make sure baby is ok.


Now this wasn't life threatening, you can get gastro while pregnant and baby will be ok, the drugs not ideal in my opinion but safe during pregnancy none-the-less and essential to keep fluids down. After nearly 10 hours of sitting, laying, standing and pacing around the hospital I finally get taken in for an ultrasound. Two young doctors accompany me and ask if it is ok if they observe. I was dying for them to just show me that baby was ok so I didn't really care who saw my stretch marked belly. They are all happy faced and I think, if they thought something was wrong then surely there wouldn't be any smiling faces. I felt calmed. The sonographer asks me if I know what we are having and I told her we decided not to find out, she asks me if I want to know and in a split second a million thoughts rush through my head. Prior to our Morphology scan (18-20 week scan performed to exclude any structural abnormality) we had 18 weeks to decided whether we'd find out and all of a sudden in an instance that question is posed to me again. This time though I don't have my husband to discuss the matter with, the poor guy was stuck way out in god knows where, some bush track North of Sydney on some stupid work conference that his boss wouldn't let him leave. I did have a little life savour in the form of my girlfriend in the waiting room who wasn't allowed to come in and keep me company, I know boo to you hospital administrators, so I was flying totally solo, no one, nothing, I needed to make a quick decision, pick one lady, yes, no, what is it?  I start to wonder whether those 18 weeks worth of deciding was the right decision actually made? If I found out maybe I could start to plan the nursery decor a bit better, I could start to buy some cothes in colours other than white, white and did I say white? Ah, dam, I'm sick, I feel utterly wretched, gastro ain't something I'd wish on my worst enemy, I need something to make me feel better, come on tell me...Mrs C, you're having a girl!


I started thinking of hair ties and bows and cute little elastics. How I longed to one day have a little girl so that I could tie her hair up into a little palm tree ontop of her head. I was beyond over the moon and stars and sun and I couldn't wait to tell everyone. All those weeks of not wanting to know and then not knowing and being ok with not knowing out the door because move over lady it's time to sort out a nursery for a girl.


I had great pleasure putting together my sons nursery in fairly unisex colours of red and white. I hand picked little pieces along my travels but was always concious of not making anything too gender specific. This time I went to town. Everything would be pink and two minutes ago I hated pink. Well not now I didn't I was having a girl and girls wore pink! I didn't do hot pink, I don't do hot pink, no one should do it in my opinion it should be a colour reserved for toe nail polish and highlighter fluid and not a great deal else. The world has been very kind to little girls, there is so much to chose from, the variety of clothes, soft furnishings, bedding, pictures and accessories is endless and I was loving all the options. I found bird cages and put little lamps in them, a little mobile made from wood and felt birds, I printed and framed pictures of chandeliers, a mother and baby giraffe, a brother and sister running and holding hands in the woods and bubushka dolls to adorne the walls. I made my husband paint no less than 4 coats of Dulux half strength Fair Bianca on the walls and started to fill her wardrobe with cute little items of clothing I picked up on my travels. I'd also been blessed beyond belief by amazing friends and family who showered us with gorgeous little presents fit for a princess. No expense was spared and considerable thought and effort was put into a beautiful baby shower hosted by my darling girlfriend and a bridesmaid in my wedding, the same little life savour that sat for hours in the cold waiting room while I was prodded and poked in hospital just so I knew someone was there for me, as well as all the food and presents that I received on the day. It formed a gorgeous tribute and collection to our little girl just waiting to arrive.


And what a brilliant entrance she made but you'll have to wait to hear that one a little later on...