The Honest Parent

I recently had a pretty lengthy discussion with a lecturer friend of mine about the unspoken rules of parenting. More specifically, the things which mothers seem to think they aren't allowed to talk about or admit to. We shared all the same views on parenting and it was incredibly refreshing to hear another mother, in fact, a mother with much older children than mine, voice the same sentiments. She still remembers vividly of times that her kids drove her so insane she went and locked herself in the laundry with a beer and a cigarette to calm her nerves and she wasn't even a smoker. We laughed, we shook our heads in horror and we nodded along to the conversation agreeing with each and every tid bit that shit us to tears about being parents.

I have the view, that many of us (and even myself at times) feel there is a societal pressure not to admit to or speak of the horrors of parenting as if somehow the act of talking ill of parenting and its many facets in someway means that we are saying we do not like or love our children. Perhaps we shouldn't be complaining about a path that we wilfully chose to go down? For me, it does in fact have nothing to do with my children as individuals at all. For me it is a cathartic way in which to vent frustrations over the often enforced slavery camp I feel I have been demoted to. Oh, I can hear you hiss, lighten up, I don't find parenting that bad, just sometimes, like the times I find pink highlighter on my new white quilt cover, pink highlighter that was drawn on the bed while my husband lay there half dead watching TV while my little man drew all over the quilt cover right next to him, highlighter he swore he never even saw in my little man's hand, that kind of annoying or the sheer fact that projectile vomiting even has to exist as a bodily function.

Is admitting to frustration, annoyance and guilt somehow admitting to defeat and weakness? Why is it that us women are great at getting men to talk about feelings (or perhaps we are just so persistent that we break them and they fold) that we love to be in touch with our own emotions, but some don't always use the same logic in dealing with parenting issues and the ways in which being a parent makes us feel, the emotions that come along with making some of the greatest decisions of a life time. Parenting is the hardest job that many of us will ever do, it is tiring, confusing and repetitive and being a parent isn't just about taking care of the needs of your children, feeding and clothing them etc but making sure that everything you do is honourable because don't forget, they are the greatest little sponges and they are always watching, that you're setting the right example, that you're guiding them in the right direction and making the correct decisions for them that could affect them throughout their lives as they know it.

My early exposure to the world of mother hood wasn't always rosey. Where I had wonderful and lasting interactions and formed strong bonds with women in my local area through Playgroup and Mothers Group, I had at times difficult experiences online with the bullshit artist parents of the world that thrived on making other new parents feel like crap with the fake stories, fake lives and quite possibly fake children. I am older and I am wiser now, I've done the hard yards, I've done what not a lot want to or can do, I've tackled head-on two under two, hell, I've tackled two under 17 months and I have learnt a lot. I have learnt so much that I need to write it down, I make notes, I copy and paste important words from inspirational parents, attachment parenting guidelines which speak to my parenting soul, that I connect with and that I find helpful. I have done the parenting gig while working, I still am, I have parented through family and personal tragedy and through a lot of my own soul searching and I am still here and my kids are thriving stunning little beings. I can now see through the façade, my few short years in the parenting service have afforded me the ability to smell bullshit from a mile away particularly the type that says (emphasis on says because saying and doing are two totally different things) they love each and every single aspect of parenting life and each and every single thing that their child has ever done- no, no you don't, no one does.

The reason that I feel so passionately about this and the reason that I have discussed it more than once is because many of us live a great deal of our lives online, we search for information online and therefore many of us rely heavily on the interactions we have with others online for friendship, moral support and information. As someone who never really dabbled with online forums and groups before, someone that had never been around children for long enough to have any idea about where the off switch was, I had no other benchmark in which to compare anything and was very impressionable. I was like millions of other parents out there too. I learnt that there are people out there who take great pride in making others feel inferior and are so desperate to be part of something, part of something so toxic that they are afraid to turn away, that they say things and agree with things that they would probably otherwise not.

Clearly I still carry a bit of a chip on my shoulder. Needless to say, you can all stop worrying, delete your Essential Baby account, break free of the uptight snotty ways you've come accustomed to, there are a new breed of parent leading the way to bring light to the fact that parenting ain't always easy, they are out there screaming from the hills with news that parenting is sometimes quite crappy and that the only way you can survive is to poke fun at it...a lot and I love these men and women.

By far, my favourite three are:

1. Amber Dusick of Crappy Pictures 
http://crappypictures.com/
Facebook: Parenting. Illustrated with Crappy Pictures
Book: http://www.bookdepository.com/Parenting-Illustrated-with-Crappy-Pictures-Amber-Dusick/9780373892747 (The Book Depository is amazing, if you haven't had the pleasure, check it out. They are by far the cheapest.)

2. Bruce Devreaux of Big Family Little Income
http://www.bigfamilylittleincome.com/
Facebook: Big Family Little Income  

and my most favourite of all, my hero

3. Karen Alpert of Baby Sideburns.
http://www.chicagonow.com/baby-sideburns
Facebook: Baby Sideburns (BS)

I literally don't know where to start with these three. They speak my mind, they put the crappy things about parenting onto paper and then turn them into hilarious little morsels that I can relate to in every way. Each of them has written something in their blogs or on Facebook or for the media (many of them blog for other sites and have been in the news) that I have said or done myself. I purchased Amber Dusick's book Parenting Illustrated with Crappy Pictures, it's a riot. I read the majority of it out loud to my husband, we laughed our arse's off, everything we read we could relate to, everything her kids had done, so had ours. I was introduced to Ambers site by a friend a while ago after I posted here about bits and bobs around my house that I had used to inject a little life and colour once the dust had settled with a toddler around. She reminded me that no one likes a person who boasts about their super tidy house that has children, she was right, but I do have psychopathic, OCD tendencies and I can't help but clean. (Below, is a taste of Ambers work.)


Bruce Devreaux is a great down to earth guy, he shares snippets and stories about his kids and he always finishes each off with a brilliant punch line. He is worth following, particularly one for the dads, might make you mean feel less weird and less like you're being online unfaithful to your wife/partner/girlfriend.

AND, AND AND, then there is Baby Sideburns. I must warn you, she's as honest as it comes and with her honesty comes crude language and real home truths. Baby Sideburns currently boasts close to 71,000 fans with thousands more on Twitter and thousands more again that follow her blog. I have yet to read anything in recent times as hilarious as her stuff. Each day, sometimes multiple times per day she will update her status with something less than charming one of her children has done, something bizarre she's discovered like lotus birth or placenta paintings (be warned my friends, don't say I didn't tell you) or about an odd article of clothing available e.g. Cockini, fart pads and the Cuchini. She is hilarious and well worth following on Facebook, but like I said, just don't say I didn't warn you.

A REAL HOUSE TOUR WITH AMBER OF CRAPPY PICTURES

AUGUST 17, 2011 COMMENTS (257)

I love design blogs. 

But whenever I see a house tour of someone with young children I smile, knowingly. Where is the cereal on the floor? Where is the toy clutter?

I'm an insider, you see. I have a house with young children. Their house doesn't really look like that. Ever.

Below, you can tour my home. The "design tour" version and the "real life with kids" version. Welcome!

Have you seen those hand painted or stenciled stairways on house tours? We have those. We have a unique wrought iron railing too.

Only this is what the staircase actually looks like:

Tan baby gate at the bottom. Green poultry netting tied to the wrought iron railing. Oh yes.

Custom design requires custom babyproofing. Remember that. It sucks.

Next up is the ubiquitous bookshelf. Every house tour has one. Sometimes they are built-ins. Sometimes not. But they always have a color coordinated display of books interspersed with art, frames, vintage globes and cool stuff like that.

We totally have one of those artsy bookshelves. Vintage globe and all. 

Only this is what it actually looks like:

The bookshelf display changed some when the little guy started getting mobile. And ripping pages. And throwing vintage things.

But all the cool stuff is still there.

Dining room next!

Why yes I have an antique china hutch that I painted turquoise and distressed. And of course I have a funky tablecloth and a teak wooden bowl in the center to showcase fresh fruit from the trees in my yard. And see the lovely wall color? It is Benjamin Moore in sweet honeydew melon. Don't you love the vintage maps of wine regions on the wall? Not to mention my vintage milk glass collection by Hazel Atlas.

Totally design blog worthy, yes?

Only this is what the dining room actually looks like:  

My kids added their own finish to the china hutch with permanent markers. The tablecloth had to be removed because they like to pull it off magician style. The walls are splattered with spaghetti sauce. And also squash. 

Ahem.

So why don't we move on and see the bedroom! 

Handmade, modern quilt on the bed. Handpainted headboard. Minimalist. Clean. Fresh. Don't you feel relaxed just looking at this room? 

Only this is what the bedroom actually looks like:

The bed was moved to make way for a diaper changing area so the headboard doesn't line up. Piles of diapers on the dresser and wipes on the floor. Bed rail. Um. 

Wait! Don't go! There is one more room to see!

My living room is also amazing. It is the most used room in the house so it is the most important.

I've saved the best for last.

See the mid-century modern style I've got going on? Oh yeah, baby. Those design blogs are knocking at my door. 

Only this is what it really looks like:

Most used room? Yeah, this doesn't even need an explanation. 

Sigh.

So next time you see a house tour where the owners have young children, just smile knowingly.

They are stepping on cereal just like the rest of us.  

The Committing of Blogging Sins

I have committed all sorts of blogging crimes lately, the first and probably the worst is my complete and utter lack of posts. Now don't get me wrong, I have started and revised and edited quite a number of posts behind the scenes but never got around to finishing them off, polishing them up to a beautiful sheen ready for review and comment. I blame it on my busyness and yes busyness is a word even though it looks and sounds wrong. I won't bore you to death with why I have been busy, because quite frankly it is all relatively boring, sadly I haven't climbed any really tall mountains lately or managed to convince Kim Jong-un to sign a peace treaty but I have been pretty awesome and that's all that matters really. So, I don't dare go back and see the date of my last post, it was probably right before I returned to work after maternity leave which was well over 6 months ago and the sheer fact that I have left many of my avid and committed followers hanging in the lurch for so long makes me feel guilty, but only for a second, I don't have much time to feel such emotions as guilt any more, I am busy involving myself in busyness.

I recently started a post on the topic of Emotional Intelligence, it went down windy roads and into slightly bore you to death territory. I have studied the topic during my Masters Degree and I found it incredibly interesting but was aware that I was probably one of a small few who did find this topic interesting. I was also innately aware that I was wording my post in such a way as to have a few small digs at people (IN GENERAL, don't worry, I am not talking about you) that annoyed me on Facebook.

There was an article written recently on the ten most annoying Facebook users. It was shared on a friends wall, I too subsequently shared it on mine. The top most annoying was the Vaguebooker. The one that wrote status updates to the effect of "shattered" or "I'm literally crying right now" and "can't believe it!". Shattered, what shattered, did you drop something? Crying, but why, do you need a tissue? Can't believe what? God dam what happened? Stop being so elusive, passive aggressive and vague! Aware that my blog post was going down this most annoying of roads I didn't post it but instead I used it as an opportunity to cleanse my mind and allowed the article written by someone else to do the dirty work for me he he he. Now before you go huffing and puffing and blabbering about the pot calling the kettle black or however the hell that stupid saying goes, I admitted below in the comments section of the article, that I was guilty of committing all the crimes. I was no angel and I was not going to be a hypocrite.

Moving on, I am back now and I will try my hardest to be a bit more regular around here. I can't promise the world but what I will promise is to follow this rubbish up with something a bit more light hearted, a little something about a few very funny little ladies that I have recently had the opportunity to learn a bit about.